In movies, the best sex scenes are the ones where each person seems to get as much as they give. The foreplay lasts the perfect amount of time for both partners to be fully aroused, and each one loves every minute.
The couple both last just as long as the other until they both explode into the most perfect mutual orgasm. They each fall back onto the pillow, breathless, and it’s so obvious they’re both just mind blown by the amazing sex.
In real life, only about 28% of women are able to achieve orgasm vaginally. That means the majority of what you see in movies is completely inaccurate. Normal, non-movie sex is also full of real-life problems; like the fact that if your partner is male, he can get aroused pretty quickly. It can take you, as a woman, a lot longer.
Regardless of what we know about stimulation, arousal, and orgasms, it seems we’re all still in pursuit of this Holy Grail of sexual encounters where we climax at the same time as our partners. We’re not saying it can’t ever happen, because it does. It just doesn’t happen very often, and definitely not even close to every single time.
If you’re hoping to join the ranks of other couples who have achieved simultaneous orgasms, there are definitely some tips and tricks you can try that will probably get you to your goal faster than just wishing and hoping.
What’s The First Step To Mutual Orgasm?
A mutual orgasm with your partner starts when you’re alone. You heard that right. Alone.
It’s virtually impossible to achieve a mutual orgasm with a partner if you don’t already know the techniques that work and the ones that don’t.
If you know beyond a shadow of a doubt you can climax by continual clitoral stimulation, it’s a great place to start with your partner. Take time during your solo sessions to really figure out what works best for you, and what areas of your body are most aroused from touch. This is how you can really learn to have the best orgasms.
Alone time is also a better time to test out sex toys. Attempting to use a new toy with a partner could be awkward, and there’s a chance you won’t enjoy the sensation it brings. Instead, learn the ropes on your own.
Mutual Orgasms With Your Partner
Let’s get real for a minute: mutual orgasms aren’t going to happen every time. If you’re relying on pure penetration to do the trick, you’re lowering the odds even more. The best thing you can bring to the table–or bed, actually–is an open mind.
Mutual orgasms are another way to really spice up your sex life. They aren’t a requirement so just enjoy the process of learning what works best for you both. Here are some ideas that can help.
Possibly the easiest and most reliable way to have a simultaneous orgasm is to masturbate together. You know your body best and your partner knows their body best. Maintaining your own speed and being able to slow down if you need to to are key in achieving a simultaneous explosion.
Masturbating is also a better way for you to get there quicker, since you’ll be able to involve a lot of clitoral stimulation; more so than you likely would from penetration alone.
Another benefit of masturbating with one another is the chance to see what you each like in terms of stimulation. If your partner focuses a lot on anal stimulation but that doesn’t really do it for you, they might be surpsied to see you focus on it way less while you masturbate. It can be a great way to pick up valuable sexual insight.
Okay, we get it. Nobody likes to say “a little higher” or “not right there” in the heat of the moment, but communicating what’s working and what isn’t with your partner is crucial in achieving the shared O.
If you’re afraid your partner will find it offensive, don’t be. Most of us are willing to have our egos deflated a little if it means our partner is pleased. If the issues are bigger than just small readjustments or too much or too little pressure, consider having a talk about it outside of the bedroom.
Find The Right Position
Women tend to get off more easily in cowgirl and doggy style positions, because of the ability of your partner to hit certain erogenous zones. If those spots don’t work for you, switch it up. You may think it’s a little vanilla to do it missionary style, but if that’s what does the trick there’s nothing really vanilla about it at all.
Practice Makes Perfect
If you’ve never had a simultaneous O, you probably won’t get it the first time. That’s okay, don’t give up! You can still make it happen, but it will take practice… and practice is kind of amazing anyhow, right?
Benefits of Mutual O’s
Mutual orgasms are great for a few different reasons, aside from just bragging rights. If you and your partners have practiced and dedicated any amount of time to achieving a mutual orgasm, the payout is like hitting the biggest couples goal ever.
Orgasming together can make you feel closer together as a couple, and that’s normally a really good thing. Just make sure you are both on the same page in terms of relationship goals, and not just sex goals.
Synchronized sex also indicates both parties are enjoying the experience equally. Some sexual encounters leave you wondering why you even showed up. You won’t have to worry about that when you’re both working on orgasming together.
The simultaneous orgasm is a way for a couple to experience mutual bliss from foreplay to finish. It is, however, like a well-rehearsed play; it takes practice, do-overs, and try-that-agains to get it right.
Benefits of Separate O’s
We’re all for the dual big O, but just as a reminder, you don’t have to have it to have amazing, mind-blowing sex. You can have the best sex of your life and climax ten minutes after your partner.
The benefit of concentrating on your own orgasm (and not necessarily trying to align it with your partner’s) is that it allows you to enjoy the entire experience completely. Sometimes focusing on a mutual O can be stressful. Focusing on yourself instead of possibly being interrupted by your partner’s orgasm can be enjoyable too.
Ensuring Your Vaginal Health
If your vagina isn’t happy, the chances of you being able to have the big O along with your partner are slim. If you’re worried about a down-there odor, or are in pain or discomfort, you may not even be ready for sex at all.
It’s impossible to achieve a simultaneous orgasm unless your vaginal health is on point.
If you’re suffering from symptoms like burning or pain during sex, itching, or foul smelling discharge it’s time to take note. These are all signs that something isn’t right downstairs.
You could be suffering from a vaginal infection like bacterial vaginosis (BV) or a yeast infection. These infections usually require some kind of treatment and don’t just clear on their own.
If you’re prone to getting these types of infections, you know how annoying it is to make a doctor appointment every time. Thankfully, you don’t have to as long as this isn’t the first time you’ve had these symptoms.
You can use things like a Boric Acid suppository to help treat yeast infections or recurrent bacterial vaginosis. These suppositories are easy to use and very effective. They also can be more comfortable than other options on the market like messy creams.
I Still Have Questions
Learning about having good sex is a never-ending process. It’s great if you still have questions about how to have great sex. Keep exploring what you and your partner enjoy. If something sounds new and exciting, talk with them about it. Let them know what you like. Don’t be shy. Get that great orgasm for you and your partner!
Sarah Nelson is a nurse with 15 years of experience working with a variety of patients. She has a Masters of Science in Nursing and has spent a large portion of her career working exclusively with women in an OB/GYN setting.
Nursing is a passion for Sarah but she also enjoys writing and sharing her expertise online with people who need helpful information. Treating patients well and helping them learn more about their own bodies is a key essential to a healthy lifestyle that Sarah truly believes in.