Sex is a huge part of relationships. It’s an important way to bond, and when done right, it’s also just plain fun. So what happens when you start having sex problems with your partner? How do you bring that up? Sometimes the fear of your partner’s reaction can keep you from talking about what would make things better for the both of you.
Communication is a huge part of a relationship and that doesn’t stop just because you’re in the bedroom. Think about it this way- the more you communicate the better the sex will be. Letting your partner know what’s working (and what isn’t) is the best way to have mindblowing sex. So let’s talk about how to handle sex problems with your partner in a constructive way.
What If The Sex Problems With Your Partner Are New?
Sometimes this stems from just having a new partner overall. You’re still learning what the other likes and that can lead to some awkward situations. If this is the case, you may need to give it some time. Learning each other’s bodies takes time. Don’t rush this process. Really trust yourself and your partner to learn what works best for each of you.
If the relationship isn’t new, it be a case of having too much going on in life. Things like stress, depression, and other mental health issues can all affect sex. It may even cause huge changes in what your normal sexual routines are like. Sometimes these things will work themselves out on their own. If not, it may be time to sit down and talk with your partner.
Ask them if they’re doing ok. See what’s going on at work. Is something stressing them out. These are all questions you can ask before jumping to conclusions. Sometimes we assume that if a sexual problem arises, it’s all our fault as the women. Usually this couldn’t be farther from the truth. You owe it to yoursel and your partner to have an honest discussion and go from there.
The sooner you have this conversation the better off you’ll be. If your partner is struggling with mental health issues, you’ll be able to get them help. Support is key in situations like that. Don’t give up though. These types of sexual problems are usually temporary and can be solved with caring and patience.
What If I Don’t Like What My Partner Is Doing?
This is a more important situation. If your partner is trying things you don’t like, the first thing you need to do is stop pretending you do like it. Then you need to have the uncomfortable conversation. You’ll have to tell your partner that you don’t like whatever it is they’re trying it.
You can be gentle in doing this. Something like “Honey, I don’t like it when you do this, but I really love how you do this other thing.” You don’t have to pick apart their entire performance. You just need to let them know that something isn’t working for you.
You deserve to have a positive sexual experience. So, if something isn’t working for you it’s time to speak up. Otherwise your partner is going to keep doing it and thinking you love whatever their doing. That’s not going to develop a healthy sex like, so speak up early (and often if you have t0) to avoid this issue.
Related: How To Find The G-Spot
What If The Sex Problems With Your Partner Are Affecting Your Relationship?
This is a tough situation. Sex is a big part of how we attach to our partner. It’s part of how we develop those loving feelings. It’s also just a normal part of most relationships. So sometimes with sexual problems arise, it increases other problems in the relationship.
The more you get frustrated with each other, the worse the sex can be. And then the cycle just repeats itself. Before you know it, you’re fighting about sex in the bedroom, and everything else out of the bedroom. This isn’t a great situation for anyone involved.
Once again honesty and communication are key steps in resolving these problems. If you can say that you weren’t actually upset about the trash can being full, but because you feel unfulfilled, that’s a huge step. There are also couples therapists that can help you sort things like this out. (Some of them don’t even require insurance and can be paid according to your income.)
In short- talk about it, either on your own or with a professional. This way unspoken resentment doesn’t destroy an otherwise wonderful relationhip.
Related: What To Do About Painful Sex
What If The Sex Problems Can’t Be Resolved?
It depends on the couple. Some couples are perfectly fine excluding sex from their relationship altogether. Others find that if sex problems can’t be resolved, it’s time to end the relationship. This part is entirely up to you and your partner. It also depends on how much you value sex in your relationship.
Talk with your partner and be honest. Talk about things like how long it’s been since you had sex. Why that might be a problem for you, and what you think the next steps are. Sex problems with your partner don’t have to be a relationship breaker, but don’t feel guilted into staying in a relationship that isn’t working either.
A lot of sex problems with your partner can be solved with open and honest communication. Sometimes that can feel very awkward but the conversation is important to have. The more open you are the close you’ll be to solving what’s going on.
Don’t be afraid to seek the help of a professional therapist if you feel your conversations are getting nowhere. A third party can add a new perspective and help you work through things in a safe environment where yelling wouldn’t be allowed.
Give yourself time. These things aren’t solved overnight. Don’t get frustrated and trust the process. In the end if you can get these sex problems fixed, it will be totally worth it.
Sarah Nelson is a nurse with 15 years of experience working with a variety of patients. She has a Masters of Science in Nursing and has spent a large portion of her career working exclusively with women in an OB/GYN setting.
Nursing is a passion for Sarah but she also enjoys writing and sharing her expertise online with people who need helpful information. Treating patients well and helping them learn more about their own bodies is a key essential to a healthy lifestyle that Sarah truly believes in.